The worried thoughts of a dinogroom

April 6, 2023


As I previously mentioned, I’m soon to do make a beautiful dinosaur change her surname but I can’t help but worry about the short-term and long-term future.

I’ve definitely picked the right girl - no doubts about that. All the major things for the ceremony are sorted - we have a venue, the future Mrs MoneyRaptor has picked out a lovely expensive dress to wear once in her life and we know more or less who we’re going to invite - but we still have a lot of the smaller things to finalise. We don’t know who we’re getting to do the catering, we don’t know what types of flowers we’re going to get (I didn’t know you got different types of flowers) and the bridesmaids have still got to choose their shoes. Decisions, decisions! Thankfully, the future Mrs MoneyRaptor and her mother (literally a fire breathing dragon) are taking care of most of it.

I am still worried though, and I’m typing the next part of the sentence touching as many different pieces of wood as possible - what if something goes wrong?

Now, I know this isn’t Hollywood - we’re both in love and we’re both going to turn up, neither of us has a secret lover or a horrid past that’s going to burst in the church to interrupt proceedings (wood, wood, wood), but what if one of us gets ill and can’t make it? What if someone - the dressmaker, the florist, the baker - doesn’t deliver on time and we’re lacking something to make our day perfect? What if part of the memorabilia - the photos, the video or the guestbook - goes missing? What happens to our day, our memories, our money?

The same goes for our new house - we’ve found one we like, we just have to hope no one else has spotted it yet - but we are worried about future problems. As well as all the normal and obvious needs, we need some sort of cover that will includes our garden equipment, protect us against accidents (dinos are very clumsy, you know) and, perhaps most importantly, a policy that doesn’t charge us extra every time we make a direct debit payment.

Coming back to our inherent clumsiness (mix clumsiness with sharp teeth and you don’t get a pretty sight), we’ll probably need some sort of policy to cover ourselves (do raptors need life insurance or pet insurance?), just in case, and neither of us are very medically minded so a policy that gives us access to information or a helpline.

Still, hopefully none of these thoughts will come to fruition and the firm grip I have on my desk will have fought off any fate that I may have tempted. I wonder if I can find an insurance policy that covers claw marks…


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